Dear Erin (and other new moms)

I have been reading this blog for months now and have been agonizing for the poor mother who writes it. She is a new mom and has found that it is not as easy as anyone would hope it to be. My heart goes out to her with every new post that she writes as she struggles to find her balance as a mom. After reading this particular post of hers today, I have decided to dedicate this one to her. Hang in there, Erin!

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     Occasionally, you are going to come across a mother who claims that her baby was the best thing that has ever happened to her and that her life has never been better. She is going to try to convince you that regardless of how little sleep she actually gets a night, it's totally worth it to look into the eyes of her precious newborn. She may also confide in you that since having this bundle of joy come into their lives, her relationship with her hubby/partner/significant other/baby daddy has never been better; that the baby has in fact brought them so much closer. DON'T LISTEN TO HER! Don't fall for it! She is lying! In fact, I suspect that what mothers like this are really doing is trying to convince themselves that this is how their life is, when it is in fact the complete opposite.

     Here's the truth, straight from my mouth to yours, being a parent is HARD! It is one of the most difficult things that you are ever going to deal with. You can read all of the books published on how to be a parent, but not a single one is going to prepare you for the real thing. All babies are different. They do not come with an instruction manual. And books are not targeted toward your specific child. Unfortunately, you will have to figure out the ins and outs of your baby on your own. And there is nothing more depressing, more lonely, or more frustrating than being a first time mother. Trust me, I've been there.

     When I had my first son, it was the biggest change in my life that I had ever encountered. I was dealing with hormones and emotions that I had never felt before, and I had to do this with 4 hours of sleep a night at best. Owen was not one of those babies that we all hear about who is sleeping for 4 hour stretches at a time at night within the first month. In fact, up until he was at least 6 months old, he was still waking up every two hours. And since I was breastfeeding, this meant that Daddio got to sleep at night while I was up all the time with Owen (although he would have used any excuse NOT to get up with either baby at night). And since Daddio worked all day, I was home with Owen all day by myself. And to anyone who suggests that you "sleep while the baby is sleeping", remind them that being a stay-at-home-mom, most of us are still expected to take care of the household duties as well, including laundry, cleaning, dinner, showering, etc. Try doing any of those things if you are sleeping.

     Between the lack of sleep and the lack of help that I was receiving from Daddio, I was a mess. There were times when Owen would be crying for what seemed like hours, and I would have no idea what was wrong with him. Was he hungry? Was he tired? Was he in pain? Did he have gas? I had no idea. And there is nothing more frustrating than hearing your own child screaming and not being able to do anything about it to help. There were moments when I was so tired and frustrated that I just HAD to leave him in his crib crying while I walked away from the situation just to regain my own sanity. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's best for both parties involved. A baby can sense when the person holding them is stressed, tired, tense, and upset, and it will only make them cry more. They are very receptive little creatures. And forget calling in any reinforcements; we were living in Texas at the time, a gazillion miles away from our family who lived in New York. I was on my own, and I was so depressed, and tired, and frustrated and I was crying all the time. (This also happened with my second child, so I think the hormones can be partially to blame here). But it does get better. And it does get easier.

     My advice to you, and other first time mothers who are experiencing the same things, is to stop feeling guilty, and stop feeling as though you are the worst mother ever. You aren't. You are a normal mother experiencing normal things that come along with a newborn baby. Don't feel guilty if you let your baby cry for a little while. No matter what anyone says, there is NOTHING wrong with doing this. A few minutes of crying never hurt anyone, in my opinion. In fact, it will eventually teach them a valuable lesson, that crying will not get them anywhere; that Mommy is not going to come running every time a tear is shed. And that's okay.

     Let your baby cry herself to sleep. The best decision that I ever made with Owen was to train him to put himself to sleep. At first, I felt guilty every time I put him in his crib and he started crying, so I would instantly pick him up and try rocking him to sleep. But then I realized, that if I kept this up, I would be doing this for the next two years! (Lesson I learned from my second son, Ben). So I decided to force him to put himself to sleep. I placed him in his crib and let him cry. After 5-10 minutes, I would go into his room and try soothing him by patting his chest, but not pick him up, then walk out of the room and let him cry again. With this first attempt, I had to go through this process repeatedly, for at least two hours. I let him cry for a few minutes, then went in to soothe him, let him cry, soothed him and on and on. I'm not going to lie, it was difficult to hear him cry. In fact, there were times when I had to walk outside the house so I couldn't hear him and wasn't tempted to go in his room and pick him up and hold him, but guess what? Eventually, he fell asleep.

     I stuck with this, not giving in once, and after two days, he was putting himself to sleep without a single tear. And it was the best thing I could have done, for both of us. The stress of bedtime was gone, and eventually I was able to discover a pattern with him that helped me to develop a sleep schedule for him (Throughout the day, I would put him back to bed after being awake for three hours). He was still waking up repeatedly at night, but at least I knew what to expect during the day and could start planning my own actions around his naps. It was great.

     Of course, this is all based on my own experience with my own child, and like I said before, each baby is different. But eventually, after many sleepless nights, and tear fests, and screaming matches, you will figure it out. And then, it will get easier. And as the months pass, you will actually forget how difficult the first few months were (much like how we mysteriously forget how difficult and painful labor was), and after a year or so, you will start finding yourself thinking about wanting a second child because you miss the baby that you once had. (You will, trust me). And then in no time, you will be blogging about moments like this and this. And you will look back on your posts from the first few months and realize that it was all worth it (no lie, it is!) and you wouldn't change a moment.

Well, maybe a few.
   
    
   

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Dinner Date

Two weeks ago Owen kept bugging me that he wanted his "girlfriend" Lilly to come over for dinner. So this past Tuesday morning I made him call her to invite her over. Her mom answered the phone:

Miss T.: Hello?
Owen: Hi.
Miss T.: Who is this?
Owen: Me. (Duh.)

After a complicated conversation between two 3 year-olds, it was decided that the date would be Thursday night. Lilly's daddy would be working and her mom had a rummage sale to prepare for at church, so it would just be Lilly. I let Owen pick the meal, (pizza), and he made sure that Lilly's seat at the table was all set up with a placemat.


They both had a good time. There was dinner:

And there was dancing:

Great fun was had by all, but I warned Owen that next time he may not want to have his little brother on a date with him as he is apt to steal the spotlight away from him. Girls are suckers for babies. :-)

Wordless Wednesday: Apple Monster

Apple Picking!

The boys and I went apple picking for the first time (ever!) yesterday. We went with a bunch of fellow Border Patrol families to two different orchards. The first one was a complete bust! There were no good apples, only tiny rotten ones. The second place was A LOT better! Owen had fun picking the apples from the trees and Ben had fun picking up the rotten apples from the ground! Now I have to figure out what to do with all of these apples! Enjoy the pics!

I'm ready to go, Ma! Point me in the right direction!

The grass was a little too long for Mr. Ben!

How about that one up there, Dad?

I'm not so sure about this one.

This one looks good!

This bag is getting heavy, Mom

Appropriately dressed for apple picking.

Can I have that apple?

No, I don't want to hold your hand, I want your apple.

Okay, fine. But I'm only holding it for a second.

They had a lot of fun!

Darn pacifier-always ruining good photos.

Handsome boy.

Ben was a big help.

Here, you can have this one.

Ew. What's that?

Apple picking crew #1

Apple picking crew #2.

Wordless Wednesday: The Back Yard Peas?

Tasty Tuesday: Owen's PB&J Sandwich

Recently, Owen has been in the habit of immediately going downstairs to help himself to breakfast in the morning when he first wakes up. (Usually he hops into bed with me). This hasn't really been an issue until the day we ran out of bananas (since someone ate TWO bananas for breakfast the day before). That day he ate two slices of cheese, and some cheese crackers. Healthy, I know. (I now put out a breakfast for him the night before).

Well, one day I was upstairs trying to put Ben down for a nap and Owen was outside playing, or so I thought. I could hear a lot of thumping and bumping going on downstairs in the kitchen. When I made it back downstairs, Owen had set out everything to make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, except a plate. He forgot the plate. This was, mind you, at 11 o'clock, so technically it wasn't even lunch time, so he should not have been hungry. But I allowed him to make his own sandwich anyway.

Here are Owen's step-by-step instructions on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.


Step 1: Lay out the bread on a Spider-man plate. Squeeze out fake "strawberry preserves". Say "Ewww." because you didn't shake the bottle first and it came out runny instead.

"Step 1: Put some jelly on some bread."

Step 2: Taste the runny liquid and decide that it's okay after all; your sandwich has not gone to waste.

"Step 3: Put some jelly in my mouth."

Step 3: Spread out the lumpy fake jelly with your Gerber toddler knife.

"Step 4: I got my knife. I'm not painting with my knife on Tuesday."

Step 4: Use all of your big muscles to open up the peanut butter jar. Do NOT ask Mommy for any help because it is a well-known fact that she "have no muscles".

"Step 5: Try to get the peanut butter out."

Step 5: Carefully dunk your knife into the peanut butter jar so you don't get any on your fingers.

"Step 4: Put some peanut butter on the bread."

Step 6: Quickly shove the peanut butter into your mouth before Mommy has a chance to realize what you are doing and yells at you for putting a knife in your mouth. (It's okay. The knife is not sharp).

"Step 4: Take my knife in my mouth."

Step 7: Put peanut butter on the other side of your bread.

"Step 1: Put some peanut butter on the bread and wiggle it around."

Step 8: Smoosh the two pieces of bread together. (Contrary to what Mommy might think, they do NOT need to match up perfectly).

"Step 1: Put down and down.Slow down."

Step 9: Contemplate whether or not you want your sandwich cut in half. (Although past experience may prove that you actually prefer your sandwich whole, consider the fact that Mommy is allowing you to use a knife; you may want to temporarily change your preference).

"Step 1: Cut it? In half."

Step 10: Totally take advantage of the situation and slice that baby up!

"Step 4: Cut it on this half. Do it like this."

Step 11: Reevaluate the situation. You are using a knife that is duller than Mommy's stories. There is a pretty good chance that it will not cut your bread.

"Step 5: Ocho."

Step 12: Forgo the knife. Eat and enjoy.

"Step 3: Eat."

Just Call Me "Miss Slacker"

I have been seriously remiss with a lot of aspects in my life right now. There are umpteen million people who are waiting for a phone call/text/email from me. My "To-Do" list has doubled in size rather than been cut in half. My daily "chores" are falling by the wayside. And my blog? Haven't even given it a second thought lately, (except today, apparently).

I blame this all on my total lack of motivation, inspiration, and desire. I feel as though I've hit a slump in my life right now (personally, professionally, and psychologically) and I'm just focused on trying to get that all sorted out and in place. Everything else has pretty much been put on the back burner for now. (And to top it all off, I'm getting sick!) So please bear with me and have patience. (I'm also wondering if this might be the result of some form of "twin transference" or something similar).

I'm not giving up entirely on my blog right now; my posts just won't be as frequent as usual.

And  while you're waiting for me to return, please take a gander at my super adorable little boys:

P.S. It just occurred to me that this is my 50th post. Woo-hoo! Yay me.

I'm FREE!!!!

I am super excited to announce that I have the next two, count 'em-one, TWO, whole days to myself! Two days AND two nights! Now this has not happened in well over a year, so I'm a tad excited about this, as you can probably imagine. How did this miracle happen, you ask? Well, basically I asked forced Daddio to take the boys down to Grandma B.'s house for a visit. This was necessary for two reasons, 1) I need the boys out of the house so I can clean and organize their rooms and 2) I was emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. We were this close to a catastrophic "Mommy-Meltdown", of epic proportions. The biggest known to mankind.

So here are my goals for the next two days (technically one day because I will be working on Friday):


*Get a full night of uninterrupted sleep. (I've heard that it's possible).

*Get out of bed before 8 9 o'clock.

*Clean Ben's room and "rotate" his clothing.

*Clean Owen's closet.

*Call Ancestry.com and chew them out for automatically charging me to renew my subscription without any notification, AGAIN. (This is the second time it's happened, and I've canceled my subscription, so this shouldn't be happening!)

*FINALLY hook up our answering machine. I mean, we've only been living in this house for a year and half. Maybe I won't miss anymore calls to set up a job interview now!

*Catch up on my blog! I've been a complete slacker. But this is mainly due to my state of mind and mood these last couple of weeks.

*Call OBG, (although I will most likely end up emailing instead). This one will probably take top priority.

Wish me luck!
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Wordless Wednesday: I ♥ Pasta!

My Son, the Hoarder

I was changing the sheets on Owen's bed the other morning and this is what I found:

14 books
6 stuffed animals
3 pillows
2 additional blankets
2 flashlights
1 pretzel


All in ONE bed! He slept in his bed with all of these things! The child had spent the night in Junk City!

 

 (Source)

He may have a future in television, reality television, that is. One day, several years from now, you will turn on the television to watch an episode of Hoarders on A & E, and there he will be. He will probably be sleeping in a room that looks like this:

(Source)