Well, one day I was upstairs trying to put Ben down for a nap and Owen was outside playing, or so I thought. I could hear a lot of thumping and bumping going on downstairs in the kitchen. When I made it back downstairs, Owen had set out everything to make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, except a plate. He forgot the plate. This was, mind you, at 11 o'clock, so technically it wasn't even lunch time, so he should not have been hungry. But I allowed him to make his own sandwich anyway.
Here are Owen's step-by-step instructions on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Step 1: Lay out the bread on a Spider-man plate. Squeeze out fake "strawberry preserves". Say "Ewww." because you didn't shake the bottle first and it came out runny instead.
|"Step 1: Put some jelly on some bread."|
Step 2: Taste the runny liquid and decide that it's okay after all; your sandwich has not gone to waste.
|"Step 3: Put some jelly in my mouth."|
Step 3: Spread out the lumpy fake jelly with your Gerber toddler knife.
|"Step 4: I got my knife. I'm not painting with my knife on Tuesday."|
Step 4: Use all of your big muscles to open up the peanut butter jar. Do NOT ask Mommy for any help because it is a well-known fact that she "have no muscles".
|"Step 5: Try to get the peanut butter out."|
Step 5: Carefully dunk your knife into the peanut butter jar so you don't get any on your fingers.
|"Step 4: Put some peanut butter on the bread."|
Step 6: Quickly shove the peanut butter into your mouth before Mommy has a chance to realize what you are doing and yells at you for putting a knife in your mouth. (It's okay. The knife is not sharp).
|"Step 4: Take my knife in my mouth."|
Step 7: Put peanut butter on the other side of your bread.
|"Step 1: Put some peanut butter on the bread and wiggle it around."|
Step 8: Smoosh the two pieces of bread together. (Contrary to what Mommy might think, they do NOT need to match up perfectly).
|"Step 1: Put down and down.Slow down."|
Step 9: Contemplate whether or not you want your sandwich cut in half. (Although past experience may prove that you actually prefer your sandwich whole, consider the fact that Mommy is allowing you to use a knife; you may want to temporarily change your preference).
|"Step 1: Cut it? In half."|
Step 10: Totally take advantage of the situation and slice that baby up!
|"Step 4: Cut it on this half. Do it like this."|
Step 11: Reevaluate the situation. You are using a knife that is duller than Mommy's stories. There is a pretty good chance that it will not cut your bread.
|"Step 5: Ocho."|
Step 12: Forgo the knife. Eat and enjoy.
|"Step 3: Eat."|