Tuesday, August 10, 2010

She's Got The Look

Today I was given The Look. It's the look that I would imagine all parents dread getting. It's that look of utter disgust. From a stranger.

The boys and I took a trip to the library this morning. I had some books on hold and needed to return a few as well. It was also a beautiful day out, so I figured it was a good opportunity to get out for a little exercise. As soon as we arrived at the library, the boys dutifully returned their books, then hopped on the computers to play some games. I sat Ben down on the floor to play with a board puzzle while I tried to find some new books for the boys. Pretty soon, Ben was crawling over to the computers to check out what his brothers were up to. Like the good mother that I am, I followed him to make sure he was staying out of trouble. (This is why it takes me an hour to pick out six books for the boys).

At the same time that Ben was exploring, a woman (we'll call her Evil Lady) walked in with what I would assume was probably her granddaughter, but possibly her daughter. As soon as she saw Ben on the floor, she warned her daughter/granddaughter (who was at least ten feet away from Ben) to watch out! Don't step on any fingers! Then she threw a glance at me that clearly said, Why on earth are you allowing your son to crawl around on the floor of a public place, which is probably swarming with germs and bacteria and skumars* and all things gross and dirty? She wouldn't have to worry about stepping on his fingers if you were holding him like you should be doing.

 Feeling slightly ashamed, I picked up Ben and brought him back over to where he had just been playing. I continued my search while also following Ben around, putting the books back up on the shelves as quickly as he was pulling them down. Owen and Sam both decided at the same time that they wanted a new computer game because they couldn't figure out how to play The Magic School Bus one. I set Ben over by the toy box, pulled some out for him to play with and quickly ran over to the computers to help out the boys.

Now, before you criticize me for leaving Ben by himself, let me present to you a visual of where we were all located in the library and why it (seemingly) was an okay idea to leave Ben with the toys.

Somewhere my artistically talented sisters are hiding their heads in shame. (Drawn to scale).
See? There's little Ben on the other side of the bookcase, not even five feet away from me. (And by the way, Yes, Owen's head is that large. Yes, Sam's head is that long. Yes, my butt really is half way up my back and my head is super tiny.Yes, I always walk around with pee down the front of my skirt. And yes, we are all transparent).

I quickly switched games for the boys and went back to the reading area on the other side of the bookcase. Ben was gone. I frantically looked around me thinking that he could not have gone very far, but he had. He was already climbing up the stairs, outside of the children's room, on the OTHER side of the building. Another visual for you, complete with Ben's path:

This has to be at least a mile long!.

I ran to the stairs, and of course, Evil Lady was on her way up the stairs as well. She turns around to look glare at me and says, "He's climbing the stairs." No shit. Thank you Captain Obvious. I scoop Ben up again, scolding him at the same time as I am trying to laugh off my Mommy Boo-Boo. I turn around to include Evil Lady in on my laughter and there it was. The Look. It was the look that said, How did YOU become a mother? Can't you control your children? You should have been keeping a better eye on your son. You should feel ashamed of yourself. You should NOT be a parent. I am so much better than you.

I immediately walked away without a word, the smile gone from my face and my head hung low. But what I REALLY wanted to do was punch her in the face and say, "Take THAT! you old hag ugly bag fat bitch! You don't know me. I'm here with three energetic and curious boys. No, I cannot keep an eye on all three boys at once all the time. Yes, it is highly likely that one of them is going to get away from me from time to time. But you have no right to judge me for it. I am doing the best that I can! I am a GOOD mother, dammit! 

I hope that I don't run into that woman again. It's almost as bad as the time Random Biker Dude ran into my house to scold me for allowing Owen to play in the road**. I'm still hiding my head in shame over THAT one!

* "Skumars" is a word used by our entire family meaning all things gross and dirty. I don't know where it originated from or what the correct spelling is. It's been spelled both "schumars" and "skoomars". I prefer a combination of the two. Chances are, if you meet someone who uses this word, and knows what it means, they are either one of our family members, or someone who knows us well.

** This isn't what really happened. It was all actually a big misunderstanding that basically ended with the realization that Daddio is a big idiot. But seriously, if you're interested in hearing it, remind me later and I will tell that story sometime as well.


  1. Actually, I was impressed with your drawings, but for a moment I was appalled that Ben was body-less, until I read further and realized he was behind the bookcase, duh. Also, I always envisioned it spelled "schoomars". Not really. But I have heard people outside of our family use the word (like on TV and stuff). And Evil Lady can go f* herself. I hate Evil Lady. I probably would have said what you were thinking, but out loud to her. I'm getting cranky in my old age.

  2. Oh, and I really like you in the second pic. Totally pictured you doing that. Of course, the real you, not the transparent pee-colored you with spaghetti noodle hair.

  3. I usually spell it "schumars". But that looked really weird when I typed it, so stuck with "skoomars". And thank you for complimenting my drawings. I JUST discovered that I could do this in my paint program! I'm an artist in the making.

  4. I think every parent goes through one of these moments from time to time. Wouldn't you just love to be there to witness Evil Lady's fall from grace?


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